Recently, a sidewalk outreach team member (SWO) who is fairly new asked me how to continue a discussion with a mom who had chosen life and then a few days later, threatened to abort. The volunteer was not sure what more she could say other than what she had already said when the mom first chose life. The counselor had been encouraging, shared personal testimony, and cited a few verses. She suggested the YouBible app and that the mom dwell in God’s word. These were all great suggestions.
However, when the mom said she was “going to get rid of it”, the counselor was at a loss as to how or even if to continue the discussion. The woman would not answer calls but was texting. I love the opportunity to continue trying to persuade a mom to choose life by text. It affords me the ability to look up perfect verses, and to clarify and edit my thoughts.
- First, be clear that you can do everything right and the mother may still choose to abort.
- However, we should not give up until we know the baby is dead. Unless the mom blocks me, I will persist sending texts.
- Do not neglect the three talking points: God, humanity of the baby, resources.
- Start off by painting a positive vision.
- As discussion progresses, move into more convicting verses and truths.
- Be careful with the timing of when to introduce the idea of forgiveness.
- Avoid shutting down the conversation, especially early on, through approaching hard or confrontational verses too soon. Think of how to build trust.
- Even if discussion is one-sided, it is likely the mom is reading and trying to process what the SWO is saying.
- Know that silence does not mean the mom aborted.
Below are the actual texts between me and the SWO volunteer. I am texting as though I were directly in contact with the mom. The SWO volunteer was copy/pasting my texts and sending them to the mom. Then she would ask questions of me to try to understand my thought process.
In the end, we thought that the mom went through with the abortion. However, a week later, after no contact, the mom reconnected and confirmed a surprising result. I will highlight the general principles in bold and in parentheses.
Me: How far along is she?
(Be sure to get info that will help you address the three talking points.)
SWO: I will ask.
SWO: She’s responding. She said baby is 8-10wks
Me: Great! So here is the developmental list you should remind her of: heart beating, brain waves detectible, 10 fingers and toes, every organ in place, unique fingerprints no one else on earth will ever have, a miracle showing how uniquely and special each one of us is created.
(Remind of humanity of the baby. Take the focus off the mom and her struggle and remind her of the baby.)
Me: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13
And then ask: What do you think it means to trust in God?
(Bring discussion to topic of God quickly. This mom had said she did believe in God, so I began with painting the positive vision of joy, peace, trust, hope, and Holy Spirit Strength. Then I asked questions to help clarify what trusting in God looks like. Many claim to know and love God, and claim to have faith, but the faith is not translated into TRUSTING God.)
SWO: She sent me this [texts stating she is overwhelmed, doesn’t want baby. Will abort in two days. Can’t feed the kids she has.]
Me: We have resources that can connect you with food. I love that you care about your other children, that is a good and normal maternal instinct. But remember, the baby in your womb is ALSO your child, and God has called you as his mother to protect him. You CAN be the mother God has perfectly designed you to be.
Do you believe in God?
(Now go to third talking point, resources. Flow of discussion begins with reiteration of the three key talking points. This includes continuing to paint a positive vision of who God designed her to be, and then reaffirms asking about God.)
SWO: Yes. I asked does she believe in God, and she responded “yea”
Me: What would God have you do? Do you know the 6th commandment?
(I always follow a question about belief in God with how it links to action. What would God have you do? And then I ask questions that show God has already ANSWERED that with the 6th commandment. Asking questions is much more effective than lecturing.)
SWO: Thank you. I know we just went over it. I sent her the question of the sixth commandment. She hasn’t replied.
Me: It says thou shall not kill. If you know God, and you love God, do you think we should ignore His commandments?
(If the mom has not answered, I will continue the discussion, assuming she is reading. So, I ask more questions to continue to get her thinking about what her faith means in her particular situation and how it should guide her choice.
SWO: It gets to me because the struggle is not forever. I told a mom before, you could hit the lotto tomorrow, but your baby is dead. She said, “i know.” As I talked to her, she looked like her wheels were spinning. Last I saw, she went in the clinic. I’ll never know if she went through with it. This was the day before Mother’s Day.
(It is easy to become discouraged and to focus on how unlikely it is to persuade abortion determined women. I would recommend not to go there or remain there too long…but to keep focused on fighting for this little life.)
Me: “He asked life from You, and You gave it to him— Length of days forever and ever.”
SWO: Would I throw anything off if I tell her that her son will feel all of what will be done to him…. And then list what will be done? And then tell her the verse Psalm 21:4?
Me: I would not go there yet….i would paint the positive picture with discussion of God and if she loves Him, she will follow him.
(Progression is to paint positive vision first…as time runs out, I become increasingly confrontative. The SWO would not have been wrong in describing abortion, but I believe the groundwork for gaining her trust and painting the vision of who she COULD be is more important at this stage. She had two days until the abortion, so we had time to try to gain that trust.)
Me: This is another good one! “He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me. For I have kept the ways of the Lord, And have not wickedly departed from my God.”
““See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil, I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;”
Deuteronomy 30:15, 19
What is God saying here?
(Pause periodically to help her reflect on what she has just read, asking questions to promote thoughts. Sometimes I just post the verse, and sometimes I explain the verse. In general, I find it more effective to first ask the mom to consider what that verse is saying and let her come to her own conclusion.)
Me: Faith is more than just belief. The Bible says the demons believe and shudder…. but they are going to Hell. However, true faith means we TRUST in Jesus who created us and that little unborn precious child. If you kill the baby He created to be a blessing, are you trusting in Him or in yourself? Who is truly lord of your life? Remember, it is God who holds your eternity in His hands. You may not have tomorrow. All you have is today for sure, NOW. What will you do with this precious moment God has given you? Choose Him, OR the enemy of your soul who comes to kill, steal, and destroy.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
NOT lean on my understanding…but on God’s understanding. That is what trusting the Lord means. Trusting HIm not just in the easy things in life, but ESPECIALLY in the hard things.
A mother’s womb was never meant to be a place of death…a mother is perfectly designed to protect, nurture, and love her baby. Please do not kill this precious gift of God. You will never know what God’s divine and perfect plan for that baby will be if you take his innocent life. No matter what your struggles are, we can help you. But nothing justifies killing your innocent, vulnerable baby.
(This long soliloquy employs many principles: cite scripture, ask reflective questions, speak and summarize the truth in the scripture quoted. Remind her of the vision, the humanity of the baby, God, and the fact that no matter what she faces there is help available…but it never justifies killing the baby.)
SWO: She hasn’t responded in several texts.
Me: That is ok. I bet she is reading. Or will later.
(We are called to persevere in whatever time God gives us to intercede. Do not give up and do expect the discussion may be one-sided.)
Me: Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?
You may not be thinking of this child as your son…but he is. He carries some of your DNA. He is as much your child as your other precious children. God did not put us on earth to be selfish and do whatever we want. He put us here to bring HIM glory. That is what the Bible says. Are you glorifying God by destroying your baby He created?
(Create vision of Godly purpose for the mom AND for the baby.)
You are a mother and your choice with this unborn child is: be the mother of a precious living baby….or be the mother of a dead baby. I pray you will choose what God would have you do.
Maybe you think God doesn’t care. But look at this verse… “These six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil,”
He HATES the hands that shed innocent blood. When you defy God, you become His enemy. But He longs for you to trust and follow Him.
Do you know there is only ONE sin in the Bible that God says is UNTHINKABLE…He never thought of it. It is mentioned 5 times in the book of Jeremiah. Do you know what it is?
(Challenge the prevailing Christian stance that God is love and will forgive so it is really no big deal to sin.)
“Will you steal, murder, commit adultery, swear falsely, burn incense to Baal, and walk after other gods whom you do not know, and then come and stand before Me in this house which is called by My name, and say, ‘We are delivered to do all these abominations’? And they have built the high places of Tophet, which is in the Valley of the Son of Hinnom, to burn their sons and their daughters in the fire, which I did not command, nor did it come into My heart.”
Jeremiah 7:9-10, 31
The sin that was so unthinkable that it never came into God’s heart is parents sacrificing their children to a false God. That is EXACTLY what happens in an abortion.
(Notice the progression to more challenging, convicting verses and concepts.)
Me: NOW you can mention what happens in an abortion.
Did you know that in an abortion an innocent baby boy or girl…Your child…Is starved and asphyxiated in a pill abortion…Or ripped apart limb by limb without anesthesia in a surgical abortion. In the video THE SILENT SCREAM of an actual abortion, the unborn child tries to escape the abortionist tool…but cannot.
Is this something any civilized society should do to their own children??? Or someone who claims to love God????
(Telling the stark truth should cause horror in most people. We do not need to add our own interpretation on what is happening. The brutal truth is quite powerful.)
““But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?”
“But he who heard and did nothing is like a man who built a house on the earth without a foundation, against which the stream beat vehemently; and immediately it fell. And the ruin of that house was great.””
Ruin comes to those who call Jesus Lord but do not obey His clear commandments.
“For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment, and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries.”
This is a very scary verse. What do you think it means?
(I often just post a very hard verse like this one and then ask the mom to interpret what it means. That is again so much more powerful than me just telling her. As you can see, as the time progresses over what was the last day before the abortion, I am advising to become more and more bold in convicting her with hard verses and summaries of what is about to happen.)
You KNOW the truth. Abortion is willful sin against God who created that precious baby in His Image. Satan longs to destroy the image bearers of God, but we, who love God, should do everything in our power to protect them!!!
(Frequently shift back to remind them of what God has called them to do, how much help is there, and the fact that we care, are praying, and offering help and hope.)
I am praying for the life of your innocent precious son. Please do not kill your sweet baby. Let us help you. We want to help you. We will do everything in our power to help you. But even if we did not, you would still never be justified in killing your own baby.
(At this point, i would probably let it rest till tomorrow.)
(This had transpired over a few hours and now my gut told me there was enough here for this mom to process and hopefully turn back to God and to the baby.
SWO: Ok. Sent. Praying with you for her receptiveness to God and to her baby.Amen! Now I wait.
Tomorrow is my son’s 5th birthday. I know this is going to be in the back of my mind -I’ll have to move it to the back.
Me: In the morning, I would probably send a text saying, how are you? I have been praying for you and praying that God is speaking to you. It is my son’s 5th birthday. I am praying your son will one day be able to celebrate his 5th birthday with you, his precious mama.
SWO: Oooooooooh that’s sweet. I like that!
(I like using personal events that amplify what we are trying to tell the mom regarding the baby. The counselor celebrating the birthday of her son is a perfect personal event to bring out the reality of what a NORMAL mother/child relationship should look like.)
Me; I like texting with the moms because most DO read the texts, and it gives me a chance to word it well and research verses. Enjoy your sweet boy’s birthday!
And always remember, the results are up to God, not us. We fight as hard as we can, and then we leave it in God’s hands.
The next morning
Me: “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.””
Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV
This verse reminds us that we can choose to rebel against God, or we can choose to be yoked together with Jesus. A yoke is a wooden bar that binds two animals together to pull a heavy load. It is much easier to pull a heavy burden when yoked, as opposed to pulling it alone. Jesus is reminding us that there will be struggles, troubles and burdens in life, but those burdens are so much easier to bear when we are yoked together with Jesus, instead of rebelling against him and sinning against his commandments.
I am praying for you. The Bible says that when we are weak, he is strong. You do not need to be strong… You can draw upon the strength of the Lord when you seek him wholeheartedly. Please do not harm your precious child and let us help you.
(This is the day she intends to abort. I begin with verses that point her to Jesus, how He can strengthen her to do what is right, and then another plea not to harm her baby.)
I know you can be the mother God perfectly designed you to be. Imagine holding that precious baby in your arms. Do you know a newborn baby can only see 8 inches away…that is the distance from a mother’s arms to her face. You are the whole world to that baby. You will fill her sight. God will equip you to do whatever you need to protect and love her…and we will help you. I am praying you will not kill your son or daughter. Will you let me connect you with a mentor who will walk alongside you and help you with the resources you need?
(Suggest a clear positive God-affirming next step and remind the mom not to be concerned with the future, but just the next right step. Specifically offer the mentor.)
And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
Seek Him! He is the only path to peace, joy, contentment. I am sure you feel none of that as you consider killing your own child.
(Contrast how she undoubtedly feels with what righteousness through Jesus offers.)
God created you with a plan and a purpose, and He created your baby with a plan and a purpose. He loves that baby. Do you think He made a mistake creating him or her?
God does not make mistakes.
That baby is here for a reason.
Please let us help you. I am praying for you right now.
(Even people who do not believe in God often say there is a reason everything happens. Remind the mom that there is a divine purpose in this baby, a purpose she will not know if she kills the baby.)
I would send her a text this morning with a Bible verse that I hope will inspire her to do what is right such as this one from Jeremiah 29: 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Please do not kill your baby. God’s plans are to give us a future and a hope, but you are intending to cut off this child’s future and all hope. This precious son or daughter has a glorious plan in God’s divine purpose and so do you. It is dangerous and leads to anguish if you defy God in such a basic moral action as killing your own child. Please let us help you and don’t do this. We are pleading in the name of Jesus!
Me to the SWO: I am praying for this whole situation! You have done everything you could have.
SWO: I am grateful we got connected because when she said about “getting rid of it” I was about to ask why she wants to murder her baby or something like that…. So, I’m glad in talking with you, I see the flow. Her appointment is in 20 minutes.
Me: Usually, the appt is when they show up. It will likely be hours before the abortion. At least that is true here. If she is taking the pill even, they still have to do the ultrasound, pregnancy test, and blood work. And if it is the pill she takes, you should ask, and then text this AFTER she tells you she took the pill: You know, God is giving you a second chance. The abortion pill can be reversed. It is safe, free, and effective but you have to act fast. Go to abortionpillreversal.com and do not take the second set of pills. Your precious baby can be saved, with no greater issues than any pregnancy and childbirth. Please turn to God before it is too late!
Aside to SWO: But do not send this till you KNOW she has taken the pill. You do not want to give her a way out BEFORE she takes it…you want to convince her not to take it. But after she confirms she took it; you can send that text.
(Even if she aborts, you will want to keep the doors of communication open. This baby might be aborted, but through ongoing confession, repentance, and submission of her life to Jesus, future babies might be saved. However, be careful not to talk about Abortion Pill Reversal or Forgiveness until you know the baby is dead. Fight for the baby until that moment. Be aware that discussing either of those issues before the baby is dead can be used by the mom to rationalize the abortion.)
Me: But i am still praying she changes her mind. You might want to send a text right now that says:
I am praying even now you are filled with conflict over killing your baby and have changed your mind. Call me and let me get you a mentor and help.
SWO: thank you so much. I haven’t heard from her all day.
Me: You are a bold servant of God. You did not give up. That is what we need to do. Fight to the end. I am praying you will hear from her. If you do and she chose life, appoint a mentor and rejoice. If she chose death, urge her to seek healing and help. Offer to pray with her and to point her to post-abortion healing programs. Stephanie@lovelife.org is the email of our Love Life abortion recovery director. Praying for miracles.
It has been an honor serving with you!
The Amazing Result
What an immense joy it was to receive a text a week later that this mom chose life. That will not always happen. This SWO member fought hard for the baby, and never gave up. That is key, but always remember, we are called to speak truth and trust the results to God.