Finding a way to discuss sexual purity with abortion-minded women is often awkward, but absolutely necessary. Most abortions would not occur if people were not involved in sexual sin; therefore, no matter how uncomfortable it is to discuss this topic, it is crucial.
One of the first things I have done to prepare for the discussion is print out all the Bible references I can find that allude to sexual sin and sexual purity. Having a few of those memorized is also very helpful. Below is a list of some of the ones I often cite:
Sexual Purity Biblical Support
We are to be sexually pure. We should not engage in sex outside the confines of marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Romans 6:11-14
So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; Colossians 3:5
Cultural Norm Opposes Us
We are working against a cultural norm of sexual impurity. There are many people I counsel that say as long as they are in a committed relationship, it is OK to have sex outside of marriage. Even believing Christians in the church seem to adopt this worldly perversion of sexual purity. You will undoubtedly feel you are going upstream against a raging flood of a culture that denies what you will be saying is true. Nonetheless, we cannot shy away from this topic if we ever want to stem the tide of abortion.
How to Broach the Subject of Sexual Purity
I have found that the most natural way for me to introduce the topic of sexual purity is by sharing the gospel! In the midst of that discussion, there is a perfect opportunity to talk about sexual purity. I follow the Ray Comfort framework of sharing the gospel. First, I determine whether they believe they’re going to heaven or hell and why. Inevitably they tell me they are a good person and they are headed to heaven. Following that declaration, I ask them a series of questions that examine how good they REALLY are: have you ever lied, stolen, blasphemed, murdered, or lusted after someone you were not married to?
All Have Sinned
I take time with each one of these sins to explain and elaborate so that they truly understand that they have broken God‘s commandments. Most people will admit they have broken ALL of God’s commandments by the time we finish! When we talk about how it is sin to lust after someone they are not married to, they usually become very surprised and sheepish. They almost always then acknowledge the truth that the abortion is being fueled by either a cheating partner, or some sort of sexual sin. Most of the women I counsel are unmarried.
Sex Outside of Marriage is Sin and Harms Us
I often quote scripture to show that God is clear that sexual purity outside of marriage is commanded. But then I delve into the truth that God‘s Commandments are for our good. In other words, I ask questions to help them see that had they followed God’s way instead of their own, they would not be in the mess they now find themselves. For example, ask how they felt when the man that they thought was committed to them cheated on them. Ask them if they believe that lying to their partner about their adulterous relationship leading to pregnancy will ever lead to a good relationship with that man. Ask them what a good parent does in setting rules and how a good parent responds when those rules are broken. With all these questions, we are helping them to conclude that God‘s Commandment for sexual purity is good, and protective. Point out that there are always negative consequences when we break His commandments.
If Jesus is Truly Lord, We Will Obey Him in Sexual Purity
I often follow this with a discussion, at least at some point, about what it means if we are following Jesus as our Lord. I ask if He makes exceptions for our situation such that we don’t need to obey His commandments. I cite verses where Jesus tells us if we love Him, we will obey Him. I ask them if they are obeying Him in the matter of sexual purity. Often times this hard truth is the stumbling block to people wanting to submit their lives to Jesus. But the important truth has now been clearly revealed that they are not in a saving relationship with Jesus if they are not submitting every portion of their life to Him, including sexual purity.
Role Models of Sexual Purity Often Absent
It is often valuable to find out what their role models were as they were growing up. Quite often, their own parents and siblings are living a life of sexual sin. Many, if not all of their friends are living a life of sexual sin. This is an area that I think will evolve in their level of obedience as they come to know the Lord more and more. However, I think we have to attempt to plant the seeds of leaving a life a sexual impurity. Be prepared that it will likely be a process rather than an instantaneous change.
Shifting Their Worldview on Sexual Purity
I have found it is effective to ask good questions to begin to shift their thinking about sexual purity outside of marriage. For example, painting a vision of what they truly desire may help them reconsider how they are trying to reach that goal. I ask them, if they could have an ideal world and an ideal relationship, what would it look like? Almost always, they say they want to be married to a man who is committed to them and to their children. Follow up questions about how and where to find such a person can be really valuable in pointing them to church. There is certainly no guarantee that Christian men will follow the model of sexual purity, but the hope is it is more likely in the church than outside the church. Sadly, this is too often a failing in the church that has to be addressed.
What if Interaction Time Is Limited?
Many of our counselors only have a few seconds with someone who has paused to tell them that they are only there for birth control pills. The counselor should offer a nugget of truth in that brief time that will at least be a pebble in the woman’s shoe regarding sexual purity. One of my favorite questions to ask in that kind of situation is: Would God have you be involved in a sexual relationship with someone you’re not married to?
Oftentimes, they don’t want to talk anymore to me after that question, but I can tell by their face that it has hit a nerve of truth. There are other things you can say if you are in a location where you are fairly convinced that what God says doesn’t seem to matter much to the population in your area. You can ask: do you want to give away this precious gift of your own body to someone who is not willing to commit in marriage to you?
Thought-Provoking Questions
There are various permutations of these types of questions, and you may not see immediate fruit, but you are planting seeds. In that brief moment, you are not likely to convince them to leave a life of sexual sin. What you hope to do in those situations is plant a seed of doubt that what they are doing is perhaps NOT good or right. If I have a little extra time I always ask: do you believe in God? If they say yes I always ask: “What would God have you do?” If they say no, and I know I only have a few seconds, I’m going to ask questions about how they have felt when they have been betrayed by men who have sex with them and then dump them,. or how have they felt when a guy who said he loved them wants nothing to do with them when they become pregnant. Do they believe continuing in this life of sin is ever going to lead to a different result?
Don’t Be Discouraged
It is hard not to feel discouraged knowing that the entire culture is working against this message. We are told over and over again in the Bible that nothing is impossible with God. Trust this is true. When we have God, we have everything we need. We are not called for the results, but we are called to deliver the message of truth. So we do the best we can in the time we have and leave the results to the Lord.
Practical Tips
- Have handouts with sexual purity scripture
- Have handouts with negative effects of promiscuity
- Offer community alternatives to Planned Parenthood
- Have handouts on the path to salvation
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