Diffusing Anger: Basic Principles

Who are the angry people?

The anger could come from the moms aborting, but quite often arise from a boyfriend or other friends. We often also see anger from the “pro-choice” group, particularly on the wave of political/social events that ignite them.

Why are the people angry?

People are angry when a nerve has been touched. There may be some present or past hurt, or they may be under conviction in the face of their own guilt and shame. Sometimes they feel misunderstood or attacked. Sometimes they are under the influence of drugs. Sometimes they are lashing out because they don’t know what else to do and that is the way they have seen adversity dealt with by role models in their lives. Sometimes they feel backed into a corner and, like a cornered animal, fight back.

How can we de-escalate the situation?

1. Watch your tone.
2. Ask questions rather than “lecture” to draw them to make own conclusion. “Lectures” more likely to inflame anger than questions.
3. Express concern, compassion — show you really care.
4. Offer reflective comments to show that you have heard what their concerns are.
5. Wait until the person has released their frustration and explained how they are feeling.
6. Don’t minimize their obstacles, no matter how much you feel they are rationalizations.
7. State facts (rather than opinions) and be sure you can support them.
8. If there are any positives, state them: For example, “You seem to be such a loving father to your toddler …”
9. Always avoid any name calling, which never helps promote peace or understanding, nor is it biblical. 
10. Show respect and love even when they don’t deserve it. “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12
11. If anger expressed, and is escalating, step back, hands up in posture of surrender, state “I’m not your enemy, I am only trying to help.” Proverbs 20:3 It is honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel
12. If they say stop … STOP. Maybe throw in one last line and then shut up, step away.
13. Know when it is not productive and move on. Pearls before swine admonition: ““Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6
14. Begin videotaping if violence or threats are present. This can also backfire and sometimes increase agitation. Without evidence, police will not arrest.
15. Another team member should call police.

What should we do if we are attacked?

1. Pray.
2. Call the police.
3. Team members should try to help whoever is being attacked.
4. Carry mace or pepper spray or some other legal deterrent if you are in an area where anger/violence is an ongoing issue.
5. Consider hiring private security.